Love You Anyway

This past week, without even meaning to, I came to a lot of realizations. I’ve learned a lot about myself. About my purpose. And I’ve learned a lot about the role people around me play in my life — how everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some people come into your life to test you, to redirect your path or push your boundaries—helping you reach your full potential. Others come into your life to teach you something, change your perspective, giving you knowledge to pass along to those around you. The thing is, you won’t know someone’s purpose in your life while it’s happening. But every person you meet plays a role in your story, whether they’re a main character or there for just a chapter. It’s up to you to find meaning, interpret the lessons around you, and become better for it.

Last Friday, after working on Reena’s tattoo (she’s here in Hawaii for more sessions on her leg), I went home, kissed my wife as she was sleeping and laid beside her. I remembered listening to a song that night and something inside me told me to download it to my playlist. Without thinking much of it, I did. Before going to bed, I held my wife’s hand. She’d been struggling with a pain in her wrist for a year now. All roads pointed toward surgery. I wrapped my hand around her wrist, feeling her pain. It hurts me, too, to watch the woman I love suffer, knowing there’s only so much I can do. I know that sometimes, I have to ask someone more powerful than myself to help her. As I prayed quietly and asked God to heal her, my hand laid over her wrist, I started visualizing her healing. I ended up falling asleep beside her, holding onto her like that. The next morning she woke me up with a jolt—she almost couldn’t believe it. At first, I didn’t know what was happening. I felt panicked, mind racing, thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong in the night—thinking it was an emergency. But, I realized it wasn’t worry in her eyes. It was happiness. Relief. She told me that the pain in her wrist was gone. She told me about a bone vitamin she’d been taking the past couple of days, thinking it must have something to do with that — not knowing about my prayer the night before. After telling me, she left to my daughter Reesa’s room to share the great news, leaving me there to make sense of it all. Lying in bed, it’s like I was in shock. Did I hear that right? I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to think. The whole time she’d been struggling with that pain in her wrist, I’d never thought to pray like that before. And when I did, this happened? Was it a coincidence? Was it the prayer, or was it the vitamins working? In shock, I reached for my phone, still waking up, checking the time. I noticed a text from my friend Anthony. Anthony’s had my back for a long time. He’s been with Skin Design for over two decades. We’ve been childhood friends since we were 14-15. When I saw what he’d sent me, it felt like a sign. When the universe wants to show you something — it will. On the screen in front of me, I saw Anthony had sent me a screenshot from a conversation he had from my sister. My sister — who I haven’t spoken to in five years. Looking at their conversation, it all came flooding back to me.

Finding Purpose in Pain

Throughout my life, I’ve lost so many of the people closest to me. The one that hurt the most was my sister. Going from childhood best friends to no contact left me feeling like a piece of me was missing all this time. Growing up, family was everything. After nearly losing everything in the Cambodian genocide, after battling everyone around me just to survive, family was all I had. My sister gave my life a sense of purpose when I felt lost. Gave me something to defend. Our neighborhood was filled with gangs, violence, and racism. But when I looked past myself, when I looked at the situation through the lens of a protector, it gave me strength. Protecting her was a reflex. It didn’t matter who I had to put myself in front of — I was going to shield her from everything I could. And she protected me, too. Sometimes from myself. Then she left, and blocked us from her life for five long years. It still feels like a bad dream. But I’m just glad to hear she’s doing okay. Hearing the excited conversation between my wife and daughter in the other room, looking down at my phone, I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence.

Love Without Letting Go

Without telling my wife, I quickly went downstairs to use the restroom. I played that song that I downloaded last night before I fell asleep. I sat there on the toilet, taking it all in, thinking about my wife, sister, and what had just happened, listening to “I Love You Anyway” by Luke Combs when it all hit me. Filled with emotions, I started crying so hard, as if someone had just died. Thanking God in that little bathroom. It all came together. The song, prayers, healing — I knew major change was happening. All those years of pain, from the relationship my mother and sister had, everything we had to endure growing up. The grudge and the hate. Fighting for her and my family my whole life. Our family had been so disconnected between our parents and siblings. The suffering put a wedge between us, and now it feels like the wounds are finally healing. I realized that our story doesn’t have to end that way. Just like my wife’s wrist, prayer and time can heal.

When Words Fail

I ran back upstairs and laid next to my youngest daughter, Vanna. My wife came over and laid next to me, noticing my eyes were swollen. Looking over at me, my wife asked, “Did you cry?” Realizing I couldn’t lie to her, I nodded and softly said, “yes.” I was trying to explain to her what had just happened — it felt like the hardest thing to do, even after being together for almost 28 years. I was mumbling, trying to find the right words, like a baby learning how to speak for the first time. I was struggling to keep myself together, the fear of showing my weak side. It’s hard being vulnerable. Exposing myself like that. But I know there’s a lot of courage in it, too. I know I’m about to open myself up to the world with my upcoming book, that I’m going to tell my story, share the details of who I am, in the near future. I have to face the past. I have to be brave, not just for myself, but for the people I love. I centered myself, telling her everything I’d just learned. I had her listen to the song, and as she did, tears ran down her face. By the time she’d listened to the whole song, her face looked like mine. Swollen and puffy from happiness. When she found the words to speak, she said to me, “Thank you for praying for me.” That’s when Reena came into our room, and we were able to share that unbelievable moment with her, too. A real blessing. A reminder of the power of family.

Faith, Family, and Forgiveness

When I take a step back and watch my life unfold, it shows me that there is something more out there than meets the eye — more to myself than I really know. I’ve been saved too many times to not believe in guardian angels. Maybe my purpose and intuition with life path 33 are about more than just to help people, but also to heal them with just a thought, prayer, or visualization. Maybe God did use me to heal my wife’s wrist, even just for a day, to prove to me that there’s more that I’m capable of. Maybe it’s up to me, now, to look more into that — to follow that path.

At the end of the day, I know there is a God, and that this was a sign — Him showing me that He lives, sometimes through others, and that I need to stay strong with my faith. He understands the unbreakable commitment I have to the people I love. He knows that, no matter what happens with them in life—good or bad—I will always pray for them. He’s shown me that, sometimes, life takes you in different directions. We have to separate from the people we love so that we can grow — find ourselves, become the person we were destined to be. It’s all a part of God’s plan. I just have to learn the patience that comes with waiting to reunite with the people you love, and the wisdom to put my ego aside and let the universe do its thing. Just more of life’s many lessons. Whether or not we share the same blood, family is forever. Even if we’re worlds apart. Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life — I will love them anyway.