This One's For You, Dad: Honoring Fatherhood and Legacy
Family. Father’s Day. Fulfillment.
That’s what it’s all about, the reason behind everything I do, both in and out of the studio.
This past weekend, surrounded by the love of my family, I paused to reflect, to appreciate the journey that led me here.
I wear a lot of different hats in my life.
I’m an artist, a mentor, an entrepreneur, a husband, a friend. But the most important role I play is my role as a father. It’s what motivates me the most, keeps me focused. It gives me a reason to work towards something more important than myself.
The Impact of Fatherhood and Legacy on Our Society
I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I wasn’t a father first. It’s my greatest responsibility, but also my greatest blessing.
I look around at the state of the industry, at the state of the economy, of society as a whole, and I see how things have been going sideways.
I think a lot of that has to do with a lack of accountability in fatherhood, too many fathers not fulfilling their obligation to their families. There are so many deadbeat dads, so many children who aren’t growing up with the guidance they need to become the best versions of themselves.
Skin Design Tattoos is everything to me; I’m very involved in the process of growing the team and mentoring upcoming artists. I’ve noticed that recent generations are growing up softer, less connected, less motivated. To me, that’s a reflection of their parents.
As a parent, you’re supposed to be your children’s mentor, their #1 fan. If they’re lacking direction, if they’re failing in areas of their life, you’re supposed to be the one to guide their footsteps, to build their self-esteem high enough that they feel capable of accomplishing their dreams.
Challenging My Children: Building Work Ethic and Legacy
I’m not afraid to challenge my children.
By 16, my middle daughter, Reesa, will be apprenticing under me, taking a hands-on approach to tattoo artistry, and getting her GED in the background. It’s controversial — it’s not going to be easy for her — but it’s what I know will define her work ethic and art as she establishes her future.
My oldest daughter, Reena, went through the same thing. As soon as she graduated, she was fully immersed in tattooing.
As my daughters grew up, I shielded them from a lot of the pressures of the industry. I wanted them to have a happy and healthy childhood, one where they had the space they needed to grow into the women they are destined to become.
But that meant that, when Reena first began her apprenticeship, it was a struggle — both for her and for me. It tested our relationship.
Tattooing isn't for the faint of heart. This industry will push you to your limits, both as a person and as an artist.
“I feel like when I first started, I broke under pressure a lot. It got to me, the pressure of tattooing itself and the pressure of being our father’s daughter. It’s not an easy thing to carry, as cool as it is. He has high expectations for us that we have to live up to.
I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself that made me crack at times. The empire that he’s building - we do have a lot to live up to. One day, he wants us to take over. All these crazy things he’s doing, it’s hard to see myself doing as well as he’s doing. It will come with time I’m sure, I’m only 20.
One step at a time, not dwell on the future - be present with everything. That’s what the journey’s about. In the beginning, I feel like I was focused on too many things at once - kind of made me all over the place. Maybe not stunted my growth, but it gave it a little step back.”
But, in the end, it’s that pressure that made my baby girl so strong. It created her foundation as an artist and a leader herself as she helps take on the responsibility of mentoring her sister, Reesa.
In a way, I feel like I’m not just a father to my girls. In the same way I lead my home, I lead the extended SDT family, our team of over 100+ people from all over the country, and the upcoming generations of artists.
I know that with the lessons I’ve learned in my life, my upbringing, and the 30+ years as an artist, there is so much knowledge I can share with the people around me — especially the people who are hungry to learn.
Understanding My Parents' Sacrifices and Struggles
Growing up, I didn’t know a loving family.
I don’t blame my parents for it. They were doing the best that they could in their situation.
There are different cultures, different experiences that come into play when you have a family of your own. I’m not in a position to judge anyone, especially my mother & father, for how they dealt with the circumstances they wound up in.
My parents didn’t come together out of love — they were tied together through an arranged marriage.
My mom had to convince my dad to uproot our lives and get us out of our war-torn country before it cost us everything. But that meant leaving everyone else behind.
My mom, my sister, and I, right before we had to flee Cambodia
My dad had 9 brothers and sisters, parents, cousins, extended relatives, friends. He had to abandon all of them to save the lives of his children. Not a single one of them survived it. When he tried to go back for them, they were already gone.
He had to start over from nothing in a new country. I can’t imagine the impact that would have.
How could your soul make room to love anyone else, especially your own children, when you’ve already watched the very people who shaped you get destroyed?
I can’t blame my father for the lack of love and affection I received growing up. I don’t think he had anything left in his heart to give.
My father when he lived in Cambodia
My parents carried the weight of that burden alone. I didn’t know these stories as a child.
I just knew that I had to survive, to adapt. They led with fear and tough love. For the longest time growing up, I tried to make myself small — trying not to be on the receiving end of their anger.
Searching for that sense of connection and belonging led me to a dangerous world - violence, gangs, and prison. I caused a lot of pain to my parents growing up, always winding up in problematic situations. I didn’t make things any easier on them.
I just wish I had the chance to say I’m sorry.
That’s something that’s motivated me as a father. As much as I understand why my parents raised me the way that they did, I knew I could do better for my own children. I could be an example of strength, love, and understanding.
And I have. Never once have I laid a hand on my children. Every day, I work harder than the last, committed to giving my family the opportunities I had to work so hard to earn.
The Lessons and Legacy of My Father
But, despite everything, I owe that sense of urgency, that hustle, to my father.
He didn’t provide me with the same “I love you”s that I share with my children, but he did everything he could to provide a roof over our heads and food on the table. As an immigrant in the San Gabriel Valley, Southern California in the 1980s, this wasn’t easy.
In his home country, he was a professor. He spoke 9 languages. He’s one of the smartest men I’ve ever known.
But in America, he wasn't always perceived that way. After the Vietnam War - especially in our gang-ridden neighborhood - hatred and racism were everywhere. For the longest time, we were outsiders in our own community. Opportunities for people like us were scarce.
But he made it work. He showed me that the grind is in our blood.
Like me, he became an entrepreneur. He opened up a donut shop. By the time I was eleven, I was spending my nights in the shop baking.
Back then, that’s just what you did. You pitched in for family. I’d go to school, walk home, do my homework, put my apron on, and get to work.
It was my father’s drive that opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities.
We only sold fresh donuts; the rest went in the trash. But me? I saw that waste and turned it into profit. Inspired by my father, I took those donuts to school and I sold them. I was pocketing around $100 each week as an elementary school kid in the 80s — I thought I was loaded.
It taught me hustle from an early age. I’ve been addicted to those dollar signs ever since.
I credit that to my father. I’m so grateful that he instilled that value in me.
Once I realized I had a talent in tattooing, it was the recipe that led me to where I stand today. It’s opened so many doors for me; I just had to be motivated enough to cross through.
It’s the reason I’m able to provide the life that I do for my children. I just wish I was able to turn back the clock, to make amends with my father, and to show him how thankful I am, even after everything, for the influence he had on my life.
This past Father’s Day was bittersweet for me.
As I look back on my own father, the struggles we had growing up, and how transformative it was for me as I became a father of my own, I can’t help but feel proud.
Proud to be a father of such creative, hard working, and compassionate young women. Proud to be a fill-in father figure to all the people in my life who come to me for support.
Proud of Skin Design Tattoos and the resilient community that we’ve become.
Proud of my own father, for doing the best he could, and guiding me as a man and a business owner — even if he never got to see the man I became.
Thank you Reena, Reesa, and Vanna, for making me into the person I am today.
And thank you, Dad, for everything. I hope that, wherever you are, you’re proud of me, too.
